Friendship Crossroads: When to hold on & When to Let GO!
Her
Thee Real Joy:her hands
Brittany:like, is it the time?
Thee Real Joy:Welcome back to another episode of Thee Real Joy Podcast. I have again, Britney. I told you I was coming back and I meant it. I had such a good time doing that other episode. She says, I gotta have her back.
Thee Real Joy:So here she is. We're gonna start off, of course, with our journal prompt like every episode. I hope you've gotten your journal by now and I hope you're doing these prompts with us as we're going along. So today's prompt is how can I set healthier emotional boundaries with others? And for me, like I've said so many times on this platform, I am a people pleaser.
Thee Real Joy:And I think just letting my no be no. Like, sometimes, it's just no. Like, I can't tell you why. I can't tell like, I have to be comfortable in that. Like, I feel like I always have to explain something to someone or a lot of times I'll say yes and then put myself in like bad situations and now I'm anxious and now I'm rushing because I and then I'm like always like, why didn't you just say no?
Brittany:Right.
Thee Real Joy:You know you couldn't do Right. And now you're mad at everybody else, but you're mad at Right. So yes, that is mine.
Brittany:How can I set healthier emotional boundaries? I feel like I kind of do a good job at that now.
Thee Real Joy:Yeah.
Brittany:I feel like I do a good job at that now because I don't like to do too much. I don't like to be that person, I'm five steps ahead and I'm waiting for you to catch Yeah. Because if the energy is not reciprocated, then
Thee Real Joy:What you're gonna get into.
Brittany:You're gonna listen. You're gonna
Thee Real Joy:be gone with the win.
Brittany:You're gonna be going with the win. Because if I feel like I'm doing too much and you ain't doing You
Thee Real Joy:gotta go.
Brittany:You gotta I'm not doing nothing now. No. Now I'm the bad guy.
Thee Real Joy:What you'll get into in this episode. Oh my gosh. I've been wanting to do this episode since I started the journey of my podcast, but I was like I was worried because at first, I wanted to bring on a friend to do a friendship episode, and I was just like, oh, that could get kind of messy. Too much. Yes.
Thee Real Joy:Or you could think I'm talking about you. I'm really not that the shoe fits. Now you're wearing And it's just there we are.
Brittany:Now, you wanna talk about other stuff.
Thee Real Joy:Yes. So, but Britney, I feel like this is perfect because we vibe, but we're just not meeting each other. So, nothing is personal. I don't know you. You don't know So, I feel like we could just have it from our perspective of friendships.
Thee Real Joy:So, I feel like because we're the same age
Brittany:Yes.
Thee Real Joy:I feel like thirties and friendship is just, like, so interesting. Like, I have friends from for myself. I know. I have friends from high school. That's as far as I can go back.
Thee Real Joy:And it's like, I love them so much. Like, we call each other sisters, but often at times, I was sitting down with them. I visited them not too long ago. They live in Florida. Mhmm.
Thee Real Joy:And I was sitting down with them, and wasn't like any shade or anything wrong, but I asked them. I wanted to like challenge them. If we didn't know each other from then and we just met each other today, would we be friends? Mhmm. I don't think so.
Thee Real Joy:Right. And it wasn't anything like negative or like bad or anything, but it's like we don't really align anymore. Right. Like, lifestyle looks like this, my lifestyle looks like this. Mhmm.
Thee Real Joy:I live here, you live here. The things I care about, the things I value, how it just doesn't align. Mhmm. And I think that sometimes in those situations, that love is still there, but it can make things just difficult. Like, we were talking about how our dynamics in the group has changed.
Thee Real Joy:So, like me, I've always been the quiet people pleaser. Yeah. But now, as I'm a mother now, I'm a dog, I'm saying, I don't like that. Yeah. Or don't talk to me like that.
Thee Real Joy:Yeah. But don't say this. Don't say that. And, they're not used to it because they're like, now I got an attitude. Yeah.
Thee Real Joy:Or like, woah. Where does come from? They feel challenged or they're just like, you know, like, well, if I had to say it like that or I feel like anytime I speak up, it's like, why'd you have to say it like that? But, it's like, no, it's not. You're just not used to me saying anything at all.
Thee Real Joy:Right. So, that really had me thinking like, oh, like how do you handle friendships? So, I felt like I really just wanted to like sit down and just get somebody else's perspective on friendships. And is it like a thirties thing? Is it like when you get to a certain age, friendships kind of evolve?
Thee Real Joy:What about you? What does it look like for you?
Brittany:I feel like if my friendships haven't evolved, they not my friends no more. And that just like that goes because now we got kids. Now, we have to put each other in each other's calendar in order to sit down and have dates or sit down and have phone conversations. When you can get on FaceTime, Oh, no. I can't get on FaceTime because I got school that day.
Brittany:When you can get on FaceTime? Like, so it's you have to have to care for me as much as I care for you for us to get that time in.
Thee Real Joy:Yeah. And I think for me, that's a good point that you said because I think I was the first in my friend groups to have a kid. So those friends that I just talked about, they don't have kids. I have another friend. She's just now becoming a mom.
Thee Real Joy:I think her oldest is now four. So, I feel like I had to kind of lead the way when it comes to things. So, I even remember. I'll never forget. So in my story, y'all, like I told y'all, I'm from North Carolina.
Thee Real Joy:I came to Connecticut in 2020. And I remember my first apartment was on Dix Hall Ave. Mhmm. You know, it used to be like a club on the bottom, like fifteen thirty eight, and I used to live on top. So I lived over there in an apartment.
Thee Real Joy:So I you cannot tell me nothing because I was homeless before. So when I got that place Yeah. I was in the Taj Mahal. Like, I was like, you couldn't tell me anything. And I remember my friends kinda coming over.
Thee Real Joy:But, you gotta remember, I was the first one out of my mom's house. I was the first one who was a mom. So, like Mhmm. This for me was the first thing I really did. I had gotten apartments before, but it was with my mom, like, when she was alive.
Thee Real Joy:And, she like supported me through and me find it. This was, like, the first thing Well, it was with you. Yes. I just remember being so excited, and I had an air bed in the living room for me and an air bed in my daughter's room. It was a one bedroom.
Thee Real Joy:That's all I could afford.
Brittany:Right.
Thee Real Joy:And, I had an air bed, and my TV was sitting on stools. Yeah. That was yours? Yeah. It was the TV right here, and it was sitting on I remember being so excited, I was like, let me invite my friends over.
Thee Real Joy:And, I just remember them coming over and being like, girl, like And I was so confused. And I'm like, what? Like, what are they looking at? So, I think just seasons and like, sometimes you could fast forward in one lane of your life, and if people aren't there, they don't really necessarily understand the things that you're going through. Like, to me, that was like, I finally found a place of peace, of serenity, of something that was mine.
Thee Real Joy:And I just remember them coming in and kinda just like, nose up in the air, kinda like being funny, like, you know how you look back at something and it's just like
Brittany:Like you were shaving.
Thee Real Joy:Yeah. And I just feel like certain things like that, it's like, are you my friend?
Brittany:You know what I'm saying? It's crazy because I have that same instinct, right, where I moved out and I have my own apartment. And at this time, like, I was with my daughter and father, but I wasn't with my daughter and father, and it was like kinda whatever. So it was just me and her. And I know that I was talking to one of my friends on the phone, and I had to tell her like, Dang, I gotta pay this bill.
Brittany:I was like, But we need food too. I was like, So if I pay this bill, I'm not gonna be able to But I'm just talking to her just like just just telling her what it is or whatever. So I ended up paying my bill or whatever, and I was able just to get, like, me and my daughter, like, a meal from McDonald's and that was our dinner for the So this friend goes with one of my cousins or whatever, and me and my daughter sitting there, mind you, the light my light had just got turned on probably like thirty minutes prior to that because I had to pay my bill. So my light had just got turned on or whatever. So I hear a knock at the door or whatever, and I go to the door and my friend and my cousin, which is her boyfriend, come with grocery bags.
Brittany:And they got nonstop grocery bags on their arms
Thee Real Joy:I cry.
Brittany:And I did cry. And he went back downstairs and bought something there, they just put it in an infringer in their leg. And I just keep saying, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Brittany:Like, I keep thanking him. Like, and she like, you know you don't gotta say thank you to me?
Thee Real Joy:Like, nothing to her. Yeah. I lied.
Brittany:I'm just like and she shows up for me all the time that kind of way. Like, I never have to say too much to her.
Thee Real Joy:Yeah.
Brittany:Or I never have to like, she
Thee Real Joy:knows. Knows.
Brittany:Like and and I don't talk to her every single day Yeah. But she already knows. Like, it's nothing I won't do.
Thee Real Joy:Oh my gosh. I would have cried. Yeah. I would have cried. But see, and I feel like in friendships like that, it's so easy.
Thee Real Joy:Right? It's like, yes, you're my friend. You show up for me. I show up for you. But I think it's those friendships where it's like, there was a season though.
Thee Real Joy:Like, can't lie. Like, in the friendships that I'm talking about, there was a season where they were showing up for me in a way. So then it almost comes like this guilt. Right? Like, but you were with me when I started from the bottom.
Thee Real Joy:But do people get comfortable with you kind of being that person? That person. And then when you kind of start to find your way out?
Brittany:I feel like that is heavy. Like like when you're you loved me when I was the worst version
Thee Real Joy:of myself. Yes.
Brittany:And like I could say that wholeheartedly because I was the worst version of myself. Absolutely. Like I went out with you every night because I didn't have nothing else to do. I always wanted a babysitter because I felt like that's what I wanted to do and I just felt bad about myself. Yes.
Brittany:And you loved me so much. And now I'm this person that's vocal, and I'm this person that is standing in my purpose, and I'm this purpose person that knows what I And I know how to show up for me, and I know how to show up for you and your kids. Yes. But at the end of the day, you still find that I'm lacking or I'm being funny just because now I don't have those same priorities that I had back then. So I'm not as fun to
Thee Real Joy:you anymore. You know, I'm not the fun friend anymore.
Brittany:I'm not the fun no more. I'm
Thee Real Joy:not the fun friend.
Brittany:Y'all could call me at 11:00. Come on. Y'all going to the bar unless we go to the bar now. You call me at 11:00. I've been in bed since nine.
Thee Real Joy:And I'm not leaving. And I'm not leaving. Or I just think about even the friends I'm always I feel like the friend that people can call, and they know no matter what I'm doing, I'm gonna stop, I'm gonna pray, I'm gonna speak life into you, I'm going to Like, so many of my friends, because of that vice versa, like, need a podcast. We need a podcast. Mhmm.
Thee Real Joy:Those same friends don't support my podcast now. So it's kinda just like, but wait, y'all told me I needed a podcast.
Brittany:But y'all was just talking?
Thee Real Joy:Like Right. Right. So it's just like, it's so crazy how when you are using your passion and your skill and your talent towards people, it's like it's acceptable. They'll support you in that. But when you turn it and kind of use it for your good and to kind of elevate yourself, it's kind of like, woah.
Thee Real Joy:Like, what you do that for? Like, it's it's just so weirder. I find myself like talking on the phone. You ever tell somebody good news and then like it get real quiet?
Brittany:Like, you drive. Like, hello? The phone messed up?
Thee Real Joy:Yeah. Like, oh, what you doing here? Yeah. And I'm like, oh, I just shot this episode on the podcast. We talked
Brittany:about this. Like, telling me something good, but you shady. Yeah. Oh, you you corny for that. Yeah.
Brittany:Like, whole time, like, I'm for real. I'm sick by Like, you you shading me, but you trying to make it seem like you not.
Thee Real Joy:And it's funny because when I lived in North Carolina, before I started this whole move here, I remember I was sitting out talking to my god sister, and I've always been this person. Like, we'll just be sitting here talking, drinking, right, and smoking. And I'll be like, so, like, what do you think about like, I always just been a talker like, just a So, I remember we were sitting there, and I think we were, like, drunk at the time. This is, back in my twenties. And she was like, you're gonna be like Oprah.
Thee Real Joy:And the way she said it was kinda like shady. Yeah. But for me, I was like, what did you just say? Like, what? And she was like, oh, I didn't wanna say that out loud, but I feel like you're gonna be like Oprah or something.
Thee Real Joy:I was like, oh my god. You can go ahead look at me like Hold up. Like Look. And I was just like, it's just crazy because I always knew I was that person, but I didn't think other people could see it.
Brittany:When other people can see you, when you can't see yourself, that's what means the most to me. Like, I literally have this friend. Right? And she lives in the jungle. Right?
Brittany:And well, lived in the jungle because the jungle is not there no more. But I met her in the jungle. My grandmother was in the jungle. And I was in high school, and she went to another high school. But I went to a smaller high school, but we always see each other in the jungle.
Brittany:And she was like the complete she is the complete opposite of me. Like, this girl could tell you back in front of the Bible. Could tell you some parts of the Bible,
Thee Real Joy:but I can't tell you back in front Right?
Brittany:But it's like she never judged me for who I am. Mhmm. Never judged me for the crazy stuff that I did. I knew what she would do, and I knew what she's not going to do. Yeah.
Brittany:I know like how she's gonna show up and how she don't show up. And like even to this day, like she when I'm feeling some type of way or like I'm going through something or that, she literally talks life into me. Like, and then she'll text me like affirmation quotes or like different passages every morning. And it's not always in the scripture, and it'd just be stuff that I need to hear. And stuff that I I know about myself, but I don't necessarily see about myself.
Brittany:And the fact that somebody else sees it about you
Thee Real Joy:And can pull it
Brittany:out of and make me remember that, Make me remember who I am. Oh,
Thee Real Joy:you That's real well.
Brittany:You didn't fret out it and know I needed.
Thee Real Joy:That's like real like when people say like, what's having people around you like that can make or break you like in moments where you can't even see it.
Brittany:Right.
Thee Real Joy:And, you are committed to my sex? Right. Like, what? Right. That's rare.
Brittany:It is crazy.
Thee Real Joy:That's really rare to find. It's Jamie. The other day, she just I was like feeling down about the podcast and I was second guessing myself and she just called me. She didn't know. I wasn't having this conversation with her.
Thee Real Joy:She was like, I just want you to know that you're doing such an amazing job, and the podcast is touching this person. I talked to someone, and she is dealing with autism with her child, and you have you have challenged her to now make a journal for parents who are dealing with and I was just like, little tit, and I'm like, wow. Like, people
Brittany:But you feel like you're doing stuff, but you when you see it
Thee Real Joy:Yeah. Like you actually
Brittany:see it in motion.
Thee Real Joy:So, just having those people around is just like and I feel like for us, I think we said it in the past episode that you were in, like, having people around, I'm sure that you're that exact friend to that person as well too though. Like, you have to be able to have that balance and what I give you, I want to get in return and vice versa. Like Yes. So when I think about those friends that they'll call me and I'll just like look back on the call and I'm like, I really sat on this phone for forty five minutes. I spoke life into you.
Thee Real Joy:You called me and you was like depleted. You didn't have energy. And then I feel like then we kind of switched. Right? Mhmm.
Thee Real Joy:Now when I'm done talking life into you, you didn't suck everything up out of me. And now I'm depleted and I'm so low, and they're like, oh, okay. But I gotta go. But and I started noticing, like, a pattern. And I'm like, but when I talk about something good because I'm not even calling you talking to you about bad stuff.
Thee Real Joy:I just want your energy about my good stuff, but I can't even get that. But you want to sit here and be so focused on the bad. I'm like, it goes back to like, when is it okay for a friendship to be over? And when do you fight for friendships?
Brittany:I feel like at this age, I don't fight for friendships. I feel like I'm not going to tell somebody at this big age how to show up for me. Because how you would expect somebody to show up for you is how you should want to show up for somebody. And that's how I go by friendships all the time. Like I know how to show up for somebody.
Brittany:And if I'm not showing up for them
Thee Real Joy:You need to tell me that.
Brittany:You need to tell me that. Because I'm a tell you. I'm as as much as she my daughter talk, I talk.
Thee Real Joy:Yeah. That's what she get from. Just know she
Brittany:like I'm gonna tell you. Sometimes I tell you too
Thee Real Joy:much Yeah.
Brittany:And sometimes I talk too much, but my friend
Thee Real Joy:You gonna know.
Brittany:If you're still my friend from now from all these years, you really love me because my lips is always going. I'm always gonna tell you what's on my mind. I'm always gonna tell you what's on my mind, but at the end of the day, you know my heart.
Thee Real Joy:Yeah. You know my heart. And that's the biggest thing because I've gotten to it with some close people. I'm like, but you know my heart. Right.
Thee Real Joy:But you know me. Like, you think I really said that like that, did that? So, it really goes back to it. But I think for those friendships that kinda you let go away, you don't know they heart. Or are you really right?
Thee Real Joy:Find out what they heart really like, I don't think you love me like that. Think it's cool to That's
Brittany:good. They love you like that. And it's crazy because people think that that's a bad thing of when you're not my friend no more. Well, don't even go about we don't speak anymore because you don't love me like that. It's just become the littlest thing.
Brittany:Like I can show up for you in so many ways, but when I don't show up for you in one specific way, in one specific area, you think that's the worst thing in the world. Yeah. But if I don't show up for you this way, but the 10 other ways you mean me to show up for
Thee Real Joy:you Yeah. I show up. Yeah.
Brittany:You don't acknowledge those things. You only dwell on the part that
Thee Real Joy:I put the But I can't show up.
Brittany:And I have reasons for those, but all of my reasons don't matter to you. The only thing that matters to you is
Thee Real Joy:You saw me not showing up for you
Brittany:in that Exactly. Exactly.
Thee Real Joy:So how do you handle when it's time to walk away from friends? Do you just distance yourself? Do you have conversations with people? What does that look like for you?
Brittany:I feel like lately I've been having conversations just because I need transparency. I don't want you to go by, oh she started acting funny one day, then no. This is what it is. This is why it's that way. And now you can say whatever you're to say.
Brittany:You can say either we're to
Thee Real Joy:Work it out.
Brittany:Work it out or we're just not going to talk at all. And I feel like it's no beef. Yeah. It's no beef. I love Jubilee.
Thee Real Joy:At this age, it's no beef for Like, it's really just like we're not aligned anymore.
Brittany:Like, when I see you, it's no Yeah. Sticking my nose up. No nothing. Hey. What's up?
Brittany:Yeah. And keep it moving.
Thee Real Joy:Yeah. Because it ain't no beef. Because it's nothing. We just don't align anymore. And I feel like a lot of times I don't know about you, but I feel like it's so easy to see when your friend no longer has this heart posture for you.
Thee Real Joy:But sometimes in the way that it is, it's so hard to explain because it sounds so little and petty. But those little things really okay. Like, for example, in the world we live in, I'm sorry, if you follow me on social media and you can't like or share any you telling me that my stuff just never comes up on your timeline. I see you liking and sharing everything else.
Brittany:The simplest things.
Thee Real Joy:The stupidest things. When it comes to me trying to be this person, you can't share, you can't like, you can't But then every time I talk to you, oh I saw your post. A fact. Oh I saw you just did this episode. I was like,
Brittany:you can't like me. Like simple things like Like
Thee Real Joy:People
Brittany:love you in private. Like I will post something about my business and I'm saying that I want you to be all on my post telling me how much great I am,
Thee Real Joy:how I like I see you.
Brittany:You won't like it. You won't comment.
Thee Real Joy:But a whole DM.
Brittany:But you will write me. You will text my phone and say, oh, I love what you're doing. But you don't like the post. You know nothing. And I just feel like, that's weird.
Thee Real Joy:That's weird. Saying that to somebody is gonna sound so small but no. And the world we live in, those things matter. I'm sorry. It matters.
Thee Real Joy:That's the world we live in. It matters. It matters. You liking I know there's this one friend that I have, and I even connect to her with someone that's on social media. And every time I see that person's stuff for their business, like, like because you know it'll say liked by the Like, like, like and it'll be around the same and I'm like, every single post that that person posts.
Thee Real Joy:Yep. But the person that even connected you with that person, the person who started up, you can't like a post?
Brittany:I'm heavy on people showing up for me. And I feel like I'm so heavy on that because I try to show up for everybody. Everybody. And everything. Like if I can't show up for you, I show up for your kids.
Brittany:Like I even will leave work and go to your kids show because you can't make your kids.
Thee Real Joy:Absolutely. I
Brittany:will like I literally show up for people. And that's something that I pride myself on. And when you don't do that, and I see you constantly not doing that
Thee Real Joy:And choosing not to do it. Choosing not to
Brittany:do it. When you do do it, it's the energy that you bring when you do do it. Because you don't really want to be here.
Thee Real Joy:And
Brittany:it You're just here to say that you're here. But I can tell that you don't really want to be here because I know you. I know you.
Thee Real Joy:And I think it's just so hard because like gaslightning is a thing too. And I think that's my fear. Like I'm not afraid of conflict. I'm afraid of what the other person like, people it's so hard, I think, for someone to say, yes. That happened.
Thee Real Joy:Or, like so, like, I feel like when you go all around it, it, like, almost makes me, like, dang. So you're really not gonna like see it this way? Like, I feel like there's no other way. And I think I'm so good at looking at things from two ways. Right?
Thee Real Joy:Like, I can see myself. I'll fully be like, yeah, you're right. I didn't do this, this, this, this, this. I'll hold myself accountable, but I feel like in friendships, sometimes it's so hard for people to be like, yeah, you're right. Like, they'd rather fight.
Thee Real Joy:They'd rather let the friendship go than just be like
Brittany:Just to say that. And I'm a whole like think what you want to think. Yeah. Like I done lost cousins for that. I done lost everything like think what you want to think.
Brittany:Like you got to know me and you know my character. And if somebody tells you something out of the ordinary or somebody tells you something that's looking weird or whatever like that, and you call me and you're going by this, this, and that. Think what you want to think.
Thee Real Joy:Yeah. So in situations like that, I really try to sit back and analyze myself and like, is there any way that I could be a better friend in this situation? It's so easy to see what somebody else is doing and how they're not showing up, but I think I always try. I feel like I'm always that person who's like, okay, let's take a step back. Is there something you could have done?
Thee Real Joy:Is there something you could have said? But I feel like sometimes it's like, not that you're perfect in a situation, but you know you've extended yourself so much, and it's like, I don't think so.
Brittany:It's funny because I got this one friend, right, and he knows me so well. Right? So like I'll be talking to him and I'll like, but I didn't do anything this time.
Thee Real Joy:I really did. I would tell you if I did, but you know I did. Like and
Brittany:he know he can't catch it because he'll be like, you admitted that you were like like because you know, like, if I didn't do nothing, I did not do nothing.
Thee Real Joy:Yeah. You know because I told you some ugly stuff that I didn't want
Brittany:to I'll say, yeah, did it. Yeah, I said it. And a lot of people will go by you too blunt. But it's like, bro, I did it. I said it.
Brittany:I didn't say that. I didn't say it.
Thee Real Joy:I didn't I say didn't I'm just But I'm just letting you know. I said that. Now what? What
Brittany:are we gonna do next?
Thee Real Joy:Yes. And I felt like I found myself in so many situations where I'm just like, okay, at this point, you're overextending yourself now. Right? Like, you're trying to be the best friend ever and the best friend ever awards, but like, are they meeting you there? Or do you feel like you owe them something?
Thee Real Joy:And I feel like a lot of times, I do feel like I owe people because of, like I said, I'm just now like, I had to sit back and clap for people and watch people win for so long. And, I think that's what hurts me too because I did it like without even thinking. I'm clapping for you when I'm not winning. No. I just showed up and clapped.
Thee Real Joy:I cheered. I was your biggest cheerleader. I was pushing you through a moment so I didn't want to live. Y'all didn't even know that.
Brittany:You didn't even know it.
Thee Real Joy:So, it's like now I'm doing it y'all. Like I'm doing the And it's just like that's hurtful to feel that. Y'all know where I came from. I used to sleep on your floor. I used to have my clothes in a garbage bag in your closet.
Thee Real Joy:You know where I come from.
Brittany:And you see where I'm at. So how can you do anything but be happy for me? And hard for people to do that. And it's crazy because it really hurts when you really think somebody is your friend and they show you those little simple things that you can't show up for me for.
Thee Real Joy:And I think it's one of those things that when you go to have the conversation, it's going to be like, but remember when I put let you know I how can you say that? And it's like, okay, you showed up for that girl. For that? For that girl. But that girl's not here anymore.
Thee Real Joy:How are you showing up for this girl today, my 32 year old self
Brittany:Right.
Thee Real Joy:And what I have going on? How is that? Because I'm showing up for you still in this way. Mhmm. So, when are you gonna show up for her?
Thee Real Joy:We can't go off of the past. I appreciate you. I'm not
Brittany:We growing and glowing, baby.
Thee Real Joy:Yeah, I know. What I'm talking about. That girl is then, and she appreciates you, and you helped that girl be. So, you should really be celebrating with me. You helped She'll
Brittany:love that you don't have to help me in those ways no more.
Thee Real Joy:You help me be This was a group project. It's nothing.
Brittany:For a fact.
Thee Real Joy:For a fact.
Brittany:They don't see that. They only see the Yeah.
Thee Real Joy:I'm like
Brittany:You should respect this. Y'all should
Thee Real Joy:be clapping. We should be celebrating.
Brittany:And not that I want you to
Thee Real Joy:kiss my ass.
Brittany:No. No. Just just like I'm happy and showing up for you when I'm going home back to no lights. You don't even know I'm going back home to no lights, but I'm showing up for you. They're happy, everything, eating your food, going back home to no lights and to my own little storm.
Brittany:But at the end of the day, you've never seen that.
Thee Real Joy:You've never seen that.
Brittany:Because I was your friend.
Thee Real Joy:And I was showing up for you. And I think that vulnerability and honesty in friendships, I also know that's the time where, okay, it might be time for me to leave. Because if I can't be vulnerable and honest with you, and I also feel like you're lying to me, you're not being vulnerable, and you're kind of keep it's like, so what are we doing? Mhmm. So now I gotta fake the funk with
Brittany:my friend? Exactly.
Thee Real Joy:We do that to the public, but if I can't come to you as ugly and raw and unfiltered
Brittany:Without you shading me or without you trying to be funny under your breath or without you trying
Thee Real Joy:Without me worried about you getting off the phone and telling your cousin and your friend
Brittany:and Exactly. Exactly.
Thee Real Joy:That part. That's listen. Listen. That's a big I think that like we I think it's just the age of thirties. Like, when I'm I'm on social media and I'm seeing people have these conversations and I'm like, okay, so I'm not alone in this.
Thee Real Joy:Like, this is a whole thing. Like, when you get to a certain point in your life, you gotta reassess some things and
Brittany:And at first day it seemed crazy, but then you'll go by, it wasn't really doing it. Like it's sometimes that I'll think, like if I'm buying tickets from somewhere, dang, this friend would've been great for that, but we ain't friends.
Thee Real Joy:But we're not friends anymore.
Brittany:So now, you gotta move around. And it's not whole like I don't miss that person. Yeah. I
Thee Real Joy:can miss that person
Brittany:the time, In moments. But I know why we are not friends.
Thee Real Joy:Listen. I have this friend and a song will come on that we used to bug out to Every time the song come on, I just think about it. When the song go off, I'm okay.
Brittany:I'm okay.
Thee Real Joy:Like, it's it didn't leave me to like
Brittany:Not sure.
Thee Real Joy:It's just like, okay.
Brittany:Been there, done that.
Thee Real Joy:Yeah. Love you. I love you. And I still love you. That's a great and I still wanna see you win.
Brittany:That's it. And I
Thee Real Joy:still wanna see the best for you. I still love your kids. Yep. I still love your boyfriend, your husband. It's just we're not
Brittany:We're not where we was.
Thee Real Joy:And that's okay. It's really okay.
Brittany:Because I see you over there again. I see you getting it.
Thee Real Joy:I'm pleading you. Yes. When we see each other, I don't want it to be any
Brittany:Nothing crazy.
Thee Real Joy:No.
Brittany:Nothing crazy.
Thee Real Joy:It's just we couldn't do it together. That's it. And who's to say? Maybe in the future, right, we'll meet somewhere else and we'll be like, okay. Let's work together.
Thee Real Joy:Let's do but I don't think it I think I'm learning too because there's been a lot of friendships that kind of fell apart, and then I would go back and try to reconnect. And I just feel like at first it's kinda like when you miss an ex. Right? It's like, okay, everything
Brittany:What's up? Nigga, this is wild. This
Thee Real Joy:is why. Something about us just don't and it doesn't even have to be a situate it's just like you'll get like Yeah. This is why. We really just don't our spirits, our innards, something is off with us. It's like it just does not work.
Thee Real Joy:So
Brittany:People are good for seasons. People are good for seasons.
Thee Real Joy:And, you'll hurt yourself if you try to extend that person to another season.
Brittany:If they was just meant for you to have fun in the summertime, when it's wintertime, don't get mad if that summertime friend ain't there.
Thee Real Joy:Because y'all can't do the same stuff they used to do in the summertime.
Brittany:Y'all gotta be in the house now and she done she talk about people dirty houses.
Thee Real Joy:So you can't come over my house on the phone. Because you on the phone like,
Brittany:You are outside for it. Ain't care
Thee Real Joy:because you said what?
Brittany:She had dishes at her sink?
Thee Real Joy:It. What all single that's crazy. And I feel like two of my friends, I'm the biggest person. Like, I'm not going to I'm a hold you accountable. So if you're having a conversation with me and I'm not agreeing with you, you're wrong.
Thee Real Joy:No. That's wrong.
Brittany:I'm disagree with you.
Thee Real Joy:Yeah. I'm just not gonna agree with you. Like, that's wrong. You shouldn't say that. You shouldn't think that.
Thee Real Joy:And I'm gonna challenge you to think better to No. Make a better choice. And some people don't like that either.
Brittany:That's why I say if you are my friend now, you are my friend.
Thee Real Joy:Yeah. Because you've
Brittany:been with going to always speak my mind. And I'm always going to tell. And even if I'm wrong, I'm gonna argue you down. Then be like,
Thee Real Joy:okay, maybe I was wrong. Or call you later on girl. I was tripping.
Brittany:Like, I'm thinking about it. But at the end of the day, like
Thee Real Joy:But you know where I'm coming from. You know where I'm coming from.
Brittany:What I was trying to say is, I knew what you was trying to say, but you was wrong. But I was trying to tell you.
Thee Real Joy:But I was trying to tell you the message I was trying to give For sure. No, for sure. And this conversation is so validating.
Brittany:Yeah.
Thee Real Joy:I feel like just being able to talk to someone about it, and like you say, I don't know the ins and outs of your Right. But just to have a open, real space to just listen, it's the thirties.
Brittany:Because it would've been a you would assess them, like, mm-mm, girl. Because you know you
Thee Real Joy:Or it would've got quiet. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, because and then like, okay. But last week Yes. Anything else you want to tell the people?
Thee Real Joy:What was like some advice that you want to like leave for somebody if they're going through let's say, y'all in your thirties or whatever, you have this group of friends and maybe you're just not fitting in, like I would say for me, the advice I would give is just, like, really stay true to who you are. Never really find yourself trying to please other people by, like, staying quiet or, like, just being something that they want you to be. Like, I feel like that's my advice. Like, just be true to who you are, and your people will come. Your people will stay, and your people will come.
Thee Real Joy:I feel like that's my advice.
Brittany:I feel like I love that. But at this age, I feel like have friendship with understanding. Know that people are not showing up for you sometimes can't show up for you. Or they don't know how to necessarily show up for their self. Or they might be going through something.
Brittany:It's heavy on a check on your strong friends.
Thee Real Joy:Check on your strong Because
Brittany:I'm a strong friend. So when I have my friends checking on me, it means something to me. Like it really means something to me. Because old people can't show up for you. And they're not being funny.
Thee Real Joy:And it's crazy that you say that because someone definitely challenged me the other day. They were like, why are you taking it so personal though? Maybe it's not nothing It's like they really maybe they can't even show it for they self right now, so they don't even know how to show it for you. Or maybe something you're doing is triggering something in them that they're not doing for themselves. I really agree with that.
Thee Real Joy:Like, that's a good perspective. Because I feel like sometimes we get so caught in the hurt of something that we'll start to see things in this skewed perspective, and sometimes it's not even
Brittany:that It's not even that deep. Like I just had a whole argument with my boyfriend, and now you calling me the vent, but I'm giving you attitude and you going by I'm being funny not even knowing. I'm going through my own storm over here. And I can't be up that way because I need you
Thee Real Joy:to be
Brittany:my umbrella right now too. And at the end of the day we not showing up for each other, which doesn't mean I'm not your friend, which doesn't mean I don't
Thee Real Joy:love this moment.
Brittany:In this moment, I just can't show up for you like you want me to. So don't charge charge it to the game. We'll talk tomorrow.
Thee Real Joy:Yeah. We'll see what happens That's it. But if it keep no. It's not.
Brittany:No. It's
Thee Real Joy:going because we're playing with the time. Thank you. No. Okay. Yeah.
Thee Real Joy:I won't chuck it now, but I'm a I'm a let you live. I'm a let
Brittany:it I'm a let you live. That's it.
Thee Real Joy:But, yes, y'all. I'm so happy that we have Britney back on this episode. Like I said last time, I'm sure y'all see her again. But, yes, thank you for tuning in to another episode, and I'll see you next time. Bye.
Thee Real Joy:Thank you so much for tuning in to the Real Joy Podcast. I hope today's conversation brought you closer to finding your own joy and left you feeling inspired. Don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode. If you like what you heard, share it with your circle. It might be just the thing they need.
Thee Real Joy:Let's keep growing, glowing, and finding joy together. Until next time, take care of yourself and remember to keep it relaxed, relatable, and real. See you soon.
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