Self Care Pt.2
So welcome back to part two. So we still have Britney here. We have to hear about life after stroke. What slowed her down? How did you slow down?
Thee Real Joy:What does self care look like? And what does your life look like today after getting through something, you know, that's not easy, like a stroke. So tell us.
Brittany:I feel like my life changed. I had to do a three sixty everywhere. When I was laying down in that bed, the doctor told me I had single braids. The doctor told me I had short hair. She could tell by the way something back here of how tight my skin was pulling and everything like that.
Brittany:So I had to change couldn't wear How did you hair? I had to change how I did my hair. And you know, I'm a do my hair person.
Thee Real Joy:Yes, we were just talking about that.
Brittany:I had to decide how I'm going do my hair so it's not pulling or how I am, to the point where I sneaked to the Africans and get single braids. And after I get them, my mother would be like, Brittany, you know you're supposed to have those. And I wanted them so bad, my big grown self sneak into the Africans.
Thee Real Joy:Just to get braids.
Brittany:Just to get my hair braided. Yes. It was like down to the things that I ate. Like I told you, I was a Red Bull person. I couldn't do Red Bulls.
Brittany:I actually had to force myself to get something to eat in the morning time that wasn't pizza or wasn't hot wings because I would eat my dinner for breakfast. That's my favorite thing to do. I still eat my steak and cheese and pineapple soda. That's still my favorite breakfast.
Thee Real Joy:That's your favorite breakfast.
Brittany:That's my favorite breakfast.
Brittany:A steak and cheese with pineapple soda.
Thee Real Joy:I cannot.
Brittany:I just had one yesterday. You better try it.
Thee Real Joy:A steak and cheese, but the fact that you said that's my favorite breakfast.
Speaker 3:It is my favorite breakfast and I don't know why but
Thee Real Joy:I'm try one. No, we're gonna have to go get a steak and cheese with pineapple soda. With a pineapple soda. Yes, yes, yes.
Brittany:And it was just like Everything took me for a win. When the stroke happened, I had to stop working. And I ended up losing my job at Well, I wouldn't say losing it at environmental services. I had to stop it. Because till this day, I still can't lift 10 pounds.
Brittany:I'm supposed to not lift 10 pounds, but here I go to the grocery store and I'll have all my bags there knowing I'm not supposed to have all those bags. But I'd still be trying
Thee Real Joy:to push my Trying to do that, what they call it, a one
Brittany:trip in the That's all I need is the one trip. But I know even when I'm at the gym, I'll feel myself. And I'll feel like, all right, Brittany, you need to
Thee Real Joy:You're overdoing go next. Because you're
Brittany:overdoing it. Because I could feel it when it's there. Or I'll get heart palpations if I'm doing too much or whatever. So I had to literally change people around me, change how I respond to stuff, had to put people on my block list that's still on my block list. Because when I talk to you, you're not about to do nothing but make me go there.
Brittany:And if you were a friend that I felt like I had to
Thee Real Joy:That's true.
Brittany:In that time, I felt like I learned who my friends was. Because mind you, I was out of work for ten months. I had a little girl. I couldn't do anything or nothing. So
Thee Real Joy:really you
Brittany:who the support
Thee Real Joy:system
Brittany:It
Thee Real Joy:showed me
Brittany:who my support system was. Yeah. It didn't do nothing to call or nothing because I couldn't do nothing but to sit in my bed. Yeah. I couldn't do anything.
Brittany:I couldn't drive or nothing. And I was scared to go to sleep and everything. So all my routines had
Thee Real Joy:to So did you find that the same people you were going out with, having fun with, were they there for you when your lifestyle changed? No. Or they were like just to go out? Because I don't know about you, but I have friends that I put in a Yes. Okay.
Thee Real Joy:When I want to go out and have a good time, when I need to pray, when I need to like it's just so many when I want to go shopping, when I want to call and vent.
Brittany:I felt, Lianne, I felt like I limit those because I feel like I'm every kind of friend. I feel like you could call me to pray. You could call me if you want to beat your boyfriend up. If that's boyfriend you want to go out bowling with, we can go.
Thee Real Joy:Okay. And I'm not going to act like I want
Speaker 3:to beat my black sleeve. Listen, you
Brittany:can sit there and tell me a whole story about this man, when we give him, hey, Exactly. That's not my business. And I feel like I'm a friend for everything, no matter what. Like I'll tutor your kids, and then we'll go get drunk. Then we just like and I just feel like I have more I needed more of those friends around me.
Brittany:Because you going out, don't need a going out for it.
Thee Real Joy:I don't need that.
Brittany:So you're serving no purpose in my life, because you still trying to go out every time. Now you think I'm acting funny because I can't go out.
Thee Real Joy:You can't go out.
Brittany:And in reality, I really can't go out. And even if I do go out, I'm not going to have no fun because first of all, I've been scared to go to sleep for the past week, so I'm tired. Yeah. And I'm not drinking like that no more, so it's not going be fun. I wasn't smoking at the time, so it's what are we going to do?
Thee Real Joy:Yeah, what's your value?
Brittany:Seriously,
Thee Real Joy:yeah. No, that's true. And I think life in moments like that really show you, okay, you're on my team, you're not on my team. And like you say, when you're this person that gives your all to people, it's kinda hard to like, okay, so why can't you be there for me? Exactly.
Thee Real Joy:But okay, so you had to change your hair, your circle, your friends, the way you ate, your job. You were like a whole new person.
Brittany:I had to do a whole three sixty. Like I had to do a whole three sixty. And it's like everything about me didn't change, but I feel like if you knew me then, you don't know me now. Yeah. And it's like you don't know me now.
Brittany:Because how I respond to things or the things I'm responding to Not
Thee Real Joy:the same.
Brittany:Or the things I'm saying. Like what?
Thee Real Joy:It's not
Brittany:the same. You're not getting that same kind of Britney. Like I was ready to go. I was on go all the time. Now I'm picking and choosing.
Brittany:Like you're not even getting a response for me.
Thee Real Joy:You can't take my energy.
Brittany:You can't take my energy. And especially the route that I'm trying to go, as the person I am, you can't take my That's deep.
Thee Real Joy:Because I didn't even think about it when I was asking that question. I'm thinking like, what routine? What this? What happened? No, people are a part of that as well because you're talking about your heart.
Thee Real Joy:You're talking about your nervous system. You're talking about so yeah, that's So did you find yourself doing any like self care? What does self care look like to you? Because I feel like that's a big thing. Some people think it's like bubble baths.
Thee Real Joy:I think we were talking about this. They're like, running the bubble bath with a glass of wine or going to get your nails It's like for some people, it's so surface. Like, it has a look or an aesthetic.
Brittany:Right.
Thee Real Joy:But I'll let you say what's self care.
Brittany:Self care to me now is every night after 09:00 when
Speaker 3:I go to bed, I'm just waiting. For sure.
Brittany:For For sure. My daughter go to I feel like that is my
Thee Real Joy:It's funny you say that because I look back. I had an aunt that had a rule, and we could not talk to her after 09:00 at night. And growing up, I was like, that's mean. Like, what do you mean? Like, I can't and she would literally it'd be 08:59.
Thee Real Joy:She'd like, y'all have one minute.
Speaker 3:What do you need
Thee Real Joy:from me? Anything. And we were like, on purpose, like,
Brittany:it would be like
Thee Real Joy:09:02. She'll hear us coming out. She's like, nope. I already But as I get older, it's like, yeah. You wake up at 06:00, we go to work, we give ourselves to everybody, we come home, we give It's like, you do have to have a certain time where you shut off.
Thee Real Joy:Okay, what do I need right now? I took care of everybody else today. It's like, what's
Brittany:for me? I say that as a jokey, but that's like real. Yeah. Because my day is going, going, going, going. Like I go from work to work to work to to school to to like, some days it's just like all I have is 09:00.
Brittany:So I'll go in the shower and take an extra long shower.
Thee Real Joy:Yes. Just because I can.
Brittany:This is my time. Like, I'll wait till she goes to bed to take my shower. Or I'll wait till she go to bed to eat dinner so I can have my wine and just sit there and watch TV because I feel like I'm relaxed. I enjoy going to get my nails done now and my toes done now. I used to do it just to be cute.
Thee Real Joy:It's not even about that no more.
Brittany:It's not. It's not. And I used to take her with me or I used to go with my grandmother and everything just because I wanted my nails done. But now, don't nobody come with me no more.
Thee Real Joy:No. Find your own time to do it for this I
Brittany:find my own time and where I can sit there and relax because it's actually me time. Like I'll bring my ear pods just so I can tune everybody else out and just sit there and get my nails and toes done and just mind my own business.
Thee Real Joy:And I feel like for me that's like people will laugh at me. Jamie said in one episode, she's like I was gonna come get your daughter just so you could sit there and do your makeup. That's I don't even have to be going anywhere. It's like just me at my vanity with my my music playing in the background, my wine glass, and then I'll take it right then I'll just go get in the shower and just
Brittany:And just take it right away.
Thee Real Joy:Take cute little selfies and then Right. Okay.
Brittany:That's it.
Thee Real Joy:But that was my moment to just focus on yourself. And I feel like as mothers it's funny because the last episode was a mother's love. Mhmm. So this goes spot on to that. But I just feel like we get so caught up in the, you know, hustle bustle of all day working, school, being a mom that it's like, you almost feel selfish sometimes and taking those little moments.
Thee Real Joy:But in your story, you need to. You have to put more focus on what do I need? What's my body telling me right now? Like, did you feel any guilt after slowing down? Like or cutting those people off or changing your lifestyle?
Thee Real Joy:Like, was there any guilty moments where it's like Were you a people pleaser before this too?
Brittany:I don't think I ever really been a people pleaser.
Thee Real Joy:Okay.
Brittany:I feel like my attitude always been my attitude, but now it's just like my attitude is
Thee Real Joy:my attitude. Yeah. Unapologetically. Yeah.
Brittany:I do it without like And I don't do it to be mean, but it's like you either gonna love me or you're gonna like me. Yeah. I can't That has nothing to do with me. I'm who I am a %. My whole work family will tell you I'm who I am.
Brittany:The people outside of work will tell you who I am because I'm transparent with everybody the same kind of way. It's like you're either going to love me or you're going to hate me.
Thee Real Joy:And it's better to show up that way because it gives people, it gives you the opportunity to give your full self, and it gives people opportunity. You can take it or leave it. Right. And I feel like sometimes, because I'm a little bit of a people pleaser a little bit, so But I admire people. Like, I want to be that way where it's like, this is what it is because you really spend less time figuring people like, do you wanna be because people are gonna know.
Thee Real Joy:And I love I used to look back at people, you know, where they'd like, oh, don't say that to her because she gonna go off or whatever. And I'd be like, I don't but I respect respect those people because people have boundaries and they know what to bring, like how to treat you, they don't play with you, they don't So I'm like learning on how to be like Don't Don't I love that. I love that you didn't even have to I feel like that would have been hard to do, being from that person to now. So that's good that you didn't feel too much guilt.
Brittany:If I do feel that way of someone, I really, really care about you. And I really wholeheartedly want the best for you, and I really love you. And I'll give you chance after chance, but it's not going take too many chance for you to show me who you really are. And once you lose me, you lose me. Catch me while I care.
Brittany:For real, catch me
Thee Real Joy:while I For sure. Because
Brittany:once I don't, and I'm a different So it's like
Thee Real Joy:yeah, two people.
Brittany:Once I don't care, I don't care.
Thee Real Joy:It's a whole different person you never
Brittany:met I can't even try to care. I can't pretend I like you. I can't do nothing.
Thee Real Joy:It's gonna show.
Brittany:My grandmother knows that. We have people over not too long ago, and there's a lady that my grandmother know I don't care for. And she came to give me a hug, whatever, and I hugged her, whatever. And my grandmother sat down like, good job, Renee.
Thee Real Joy:Good job. She's probably like, right ear hurts.
Speaker 3:She's like, ew. She just knew, but I gave her a
Brittany:hug and I just sat down there
Speaker 3:and my grandmother like, good job.
Thee Real Joy:See, and that's so funny because I feel like I'm kinda like you in that sense. Like I start off, but once I don't care, I don't care my mom would be the same way. I had like this one aunt, and when she would come around, my mom would always have eye contact with me because at the end of the day, before the night is over, me and this aunt gonna find a way to get into it. Because she would just look at me like, okay. And then let her go to the bathroom.
Thee Real Joy:Soon as she come back, she like, oh, what happened? But, yes. Do you feel like anything has changed in a good way? Because I feel like we're kind of talking about the negative changes. Not negative, right?
Thee Real Joy:But the things that were harder for you. Anything that became easier or like you changed into a different person and it kind of went in a positive route? Because I know you were saying before you were you were a student and you weren't really locked in, but now you talk about being a student and I'll let you.
Brittany:I'm locked in now. I'm really locked in now. That time, I was just going. I told you I was just going and I was just doing everything. Now, like, I have my business, the KickStop.
Brittany:I tutor K through eight, and I work at a high school as a parent liaison. Yeah. I'm going to school to be an assistant principal. And it gets hard, balancing my business and balancing school and balancing but it's all stuff I love to do. I love being at Hill House.
Brittany:When I'm not there, even when I call out I text my brothers the other day. I called out of work, but I went anyways because I changed
Speaker 3:my mind.
Thee Real Joy:That's a good job to have.
Brittany:I really don't mind being at my job.
Thee Real Joy:That's how you know you found your passion. That's
Brittany:how I know. And I love working with kids. Like I love working with kids. I'll say I loved it. I noticed it at the beginning of like when I was having the stroke, but I was doing so much other stuff I was never able to focus on that.
Brittany:But then when I was able to sit down to focus, because mind you, I lost my other jobs. So I started Hill House, I was in the beginning of
Speaker 3:Hill House.
Brittany:And I had no choice but to focus on that.
Thee Real Joy:Wow. It's kind like one of those things that's like, yes, I hate that I had to go through it, but look what I came out on the other side.
Brittany:Right. And I wholeheartedly don't take things for granted. I don't take days for granted. I don't take attitudes for I don't take anything for granted.
Thee Real Joy:The people
Brittany:around me, I need to love on them a little harder. And just because I had that near death experience, I feel like I have no time to play. Like you have no time to play in my face.
Thee Real Joy:It changes your mind. It just changes.
Brittany:It just changed my whole everything. I got things to do. I have no time to play. And my daughter, she's so like she knew I had the stroke, but she didn't know. She just knew I was sick.
Brittany:And it was one time when I was out and she was with my mother and it was pouring down raining. And my mother was like that. She told her to come from the window. And she was like, I'm just looking out the window to make sure my mommy is okay. To make sure my mommy makes the home safe.
Brittany:And every time it rains, I hear my mother saying that. But every time I'm doing something, or I hear that, I really have something.
Thee Real Joy:That voice of reason.
Brittany:And you know my daughter. She she's going to tell me. Like, if nobody gonna tell me
Thee Real Joy:she She's gonna tell you.
Brittany:Like, she
Thee Real Joy:will tell you straight up. And that's good because it's like kinda like they say we're your best friend. But she's so like and she's so in tune with you too. I feel like
Brittany:She is. Yeah. She's too into with me.
Thee Real Joy:She really is.
Brittany:Like mommy what's wrong? Nothing is wrong with me. Even if something is wrong with me, she got like
Thee Real Joy:You can't lie to her.
Brittany:I can't. I can't. She'll come and just rub my back and I just lay on her just like it's nothing. It's just like That bond? That bond that we have, if something was to happen to me
Thee Real Joy:Absolutely. Like
Brittany:Like what? So it's just like my whole everything. It changed in a positive way for me to want to be better and for me to take care of better care of myself and for me to be able to show up for myself. Because if I can't show up for myself, I can't show up for her.
Thee Real Joy:And how do you expect other people to show up for you if you can't even and I think just having that example for her, I always say this now, like, do the work now, and it'll make sense later. Like for my daughter, there's times where I'm like, does she really understand? Or do like but it all will show later on, like, okay, my mommy did do this or my mom like, you just live by example. Yep. And it's basically for integrity, you know, for yourself.
Thee Real Joy:Right. But knowing that you're planting that seed, she'll know that she saw me make good decisions. She saw me handle a situation. I wanted to handle it this way, but she's I just hope that they really
Brittany:Pay attention.
Thee Real Joy:Pay attention and think about it. Sometimes it's not what we tell them, it's how they see us All right, so I know we're talking about self care, and I know you downloaded the journal. So do you like it? Like is that a part of your self care routine now?
Brittany:I love it. It's like, yes, it is a part of my self care. And I don't find myself always being able to sit there and to
Thee Real Joy:Write it down. It down. Okay.
Brittany:So as I'm walking the track or even when I'm in a grocery store, I'll have my AirPods on and I'll use the microphone. Because you know if you use the microphone on your phone,
Thee Real Joy:it'll affect It'll fill in the journal proper.
Brittany:It'll fill in the whole journal proper for you.
Thee Real Joy:See, I didn't know that. Yeah. I feel like I was telling people to get the GoodNotes app so they can write with their iPad.
Brittany:But the GoodNotes app is good in ways that you can sit down and write, but I like it because it has
Thee Real Joy:It has that too.
Brittany:And I use the microphone app on my notes all the time. Like on my notes on my regular phone, I'll just say things. Even if I'm using Microsoft Word, I'll just type my I'll say my paper and it'll type it for me. Just like that. So I use it like that.
Thee Real Joy:So that's another way y'all can use the journal too, because I always thought, you you think of journaling, sitting down, and people say, I don't have time for journaling or I can't, but she over here multitasking, journaling while you grocery shopping and while you I can't have
Brittany:time journal because I be having so much stuff on my brain, I feel like I'll be having to get them out, or I'm just tell you how I feel. Yeah. Rather than just being able to write it down. So, I want to make sure I'm letting that out, or I'm talking and stuff. So even if I'm just for a second, press that go, I'm talking well, today was kind of great and blah blah blah.
Brittany:And it's going write it all down for
Thee Real Joy:me. Okay.
Brittany:And then when I get home, I could lock it in.
Thee Real Joy:Yeah. And you could go back and kind of go through it. Yeah. And do you feel like the prompts help you when you don't have like a topic to actually think of, or does it help you kind of think about your day? Like how do the prompts kind of help you in that process?
Brittany:I feel like it does a little of both. I feel like before seeing the prompts and everything, I wouldn't journal as much because I feel like I didn't have nothing to talk about, rather than prompts. I could just look. Now it gives me an idea now. Okay, let me think about something.
Speaker 3:Something you
Thee Real Joy:probably didn't even know you were thinking Right, right.
Brittany:Yeah. Now y'all gave me a way to relate or a way to think. Okay. Yeah, it kind of
Speaker 3:Come on, journal.
Thee Real Joy:Make sure y'all get y'all one. I keep trying to tell you, we're healing this year. We're healing.
Brittany:Then you may think, you don't got to always tell everybody your business. Just journal. Yeah. Just journal. I promise you, it'll feel even better.
Thee Real Joy:What I love about some of these prompts, like I said, is some things that we don't even realize we're thinking about. And then you go and read it, you're like, oh my gosh.
Brittany:Or you didn't even know you felt the kind of way about. Like, would read a prompt, and now you will start thinking like, oh, John. Like, that just took me to a whole another level.
Thee Real Joy:Yeah. Now you're going back and healing something that you Right. Didn't even know you needed to heal.
Brittany:Yeah.
Thee Real Joy:Get you one. Yeah. Get you one
Speaker 3:to eat.
Thee Real Joy:Get you one to eat. What? Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. Yes.
Thee Real Joy:You'll be back.
Brittany:Okay.
Thee Real Joy:You'll be back. And we're tell y'all before we get our cheese steak. Yes. I'm gonna blog it.
Brittany:And what kind of soda?
Thee Real Joy:And pineapple soda. That's it. See? Nothing else. Nothing else.
Thee Real Joy:And C.
Brittany:C and C
Thee Real Joy:pineapple soda. That's it. What's on the steak and cheese?
Brittany:Steak and cheese, everything, grilled onions, extra mayo. Mushrooms?
Thee Real Joy:No. Oh.
Brittany:You like mushrooms on yours? Yes. I never had mushrooms on mine.
Thee Real Joy:So you're going try peace of mind.
Brittany:I would eat mushrooms now, but my mother always told me when she ate a mushroom, it felt funny up there. My whole life I've
Thee Real Joy:been scared of eating Like you're allergic.
Brittany:But she wasn't allergic. Extra.
Speaker 3:She didn't like the texture. She didn't the texture.
Thee Real Joy:Well, we're do it. We're gonna blog it, and I'm putting my real talk.
Speaker 3:Okay. Okay.
Thee Real Joy:Thank y'all. See y'all next See
Brittany:you later.
Thee Real Joy:Thank you so much for tuning in to the Real Joy podcast. I hope today's conversation brought you closer to finding your own joy and left you feeling inspired. Don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode. If you like what you heard, share it with your circle. It might be just the thing they need.
Thee Real Joy:Let's keep growing, glowing, and finding joy together. Until next time, take care of yourself and remember to keep it relaxed, relatable, and real. See you soon.
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